Sunday, March 25, 2007

I am strong

Two hours ago my friend ym-ed me so I can help her with her philosophy orals. She asked me 'bakit tayo mapaparalyze sa idea of death?' Since I did not know the answer, I just told her 'kasi takot tayo sa hindi pa natin naeexperience pero alam nating maeexperience natin.'

After two hours, I realize that I did make sense... somehow. I haven't told anyone about the fact that I might get an F in a subject. If ever I did, I showed them my 'sus, okay lang yan... this is my patapon mode... let's live life' face. I gave that face so that the people would not worry about me. I do not like people to worry about me because I do the worrying for others. I am the one who is supposed to be strong for other people. That's what I am used to and that is what I want to do. Showing people that I am affected by something makes me vulnerable and weak.

Last Friday, I wanted to go out and just enjoy the whole day by drinking to get my mind off the idea of that F. I spent the day laughing with my friend while we were in the bench, drinking with biology people, drinking with some kleek peeps, and going to carla's party. I wanted to just enjoy. While I was in Cantina, we got into a fight with some teachers. My instincts took over and I knew I had to look out for my friends. I had to deal with the situation because I can't let my friends do it. I was ready to take the blows for them. I did. I am strong.

That night, a lot of things were going in my mind but I knew this was something I needed to handle by myself. That's how I do things... I handle things by myself. I look out for others but I don't want it vice versa. I am strong.

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