Saturday, January 28, 2006

transition period... supposedly

Am I going through that so-called identity crisis (which according to my SA professor is part of the adolescent stage)? Well, maybe I am. Or maybe I am not. See, just writing this proves that I do not even know what my situation is as of this very moment.

I am nineteen. Yes, I might not look like my age but you cannot do anything about it. It has been genetically encoded in my body and nothing will change that unless of course I become an experiment for I don’t know what. Anyway, I’m supposed to be in the sixth stage of development which would be young adulthood or in other words, the stage where I have to battle between intimacy and isolation. Yet, I do not think I’m there right now.

I’m stuck in the stage of adolescence. The challenge for me is to gain my identity and eliminate confusion. Great. For obvious reasons, I’m bound to be in this stage for a long while. You see, I have this dream of being a doctor or being a chef or being one of the greatest tennis players. As I have said, they are dreams so anything is possible. But the problem arises when I have to eliminate the ones that are near impossible.

So let’s see… ummm… I guess I have to say goodbye to being one of the greatest tennis players and just be content with local tournaments. Why? Well… ummm… aaahhh… isn’t it obvious? If you are living in a first world country, this dream is so easy to achieve. Well not too easy but relatively easy. You get the opportunities to actually try to be one. But if you started out tennis late in your life and you live in a third world country where sports is not one of the top priorities (because education is more important and it needs more budget or at least that’s what they say), you might as well fall flat on your face and dance to the newest dance craze in town. Great, now I’m becoming one of those writers who try infusing some “nationalistic” ideas to help heal the world. Not really.

Anyway, I’m left with two choices either become a doctor or chef (which people always think as me saying ‘shift’ in a barok tone). I am in my quarter-life crisis. Well, I’m assuming that my plans of dying by the age of around 70-80 will happen (normal age to get old), because I don’t want to be very old. So there, I can’t wait for my mid-life crisis. I bet it is really going to be one hell of a ride (pun intended).

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