Saturday, December 10, 2005

hide 'n seek: shadow and light

*A story inspired by a friend's life story. I am using 'he' because it's shorter than 'she.' I'm not sexist okay. Hehe.

The sun’s rays aimlessly wander in search for that object. It is the object that will create the shadow of the man that stands still on the Earth’s soil. And today, at the break of a new dawn the sun has found him. He, who stands still to reflect upon what has happened with his life and for him it is all that matters right now.

He stood still on a grassy knoll not knowing who he really was. He did not know his identity – his real identity (or maybe he was just denying it to escape complications). For him, the name, age, and everything else on his driver’s license were just information that were given to him so that he can be identified by other people. But that, unfortunately, was not the real him. He was a different person inside and that was something he did not show. Don’t get him wrong, he badly wanted to show it was just that he was afraid. He has always been afraid as a kid because people might not like him and at his age, nothing was different. He was still someone who only showed the part of him that he thought would please everyone.

Recently, things have started piling up and he knew something was wrong. It was not just one of those mid-life crises (first of all, he wasn’t even in his mid-life), and neither was it a petty problem. He had to think over what has happened the past few days to understand why the events that he was experiencing were happening. He has been losing his friends one by one (faster than me saying Harry-Potter-and-the-Sorcerer's-stone) and he had no clue why. All of them have been mad at him for reasons that escape him.

His life before the incident was pretty normal. He woke up, went to school, studied for whatever, ate lunch, studied again, went home and that was the routine. At home he would do what normal people would do. His life was one monotonous activity. But he did not care. He guessed that was the problem. He did not care enough and maybe he was aloof at times. No, he knew it wasn’t just some of the time because it was most of the time. This was his day of self-reflection and knew he wanted to change. He needed to change for his benefit and others as well. He only had one problem. He can’t change. Was it pride? Nope. Maybe it was indifference? Nope. Scared? Yes. He was afraid to show his true identity – the identity that he denies to others and himself as well. It was his fate and it will forever be so.

He faces the sun, finally realizing his fate – he can never have everything. It was a choice. He could have the sun and him facing each other, while they observe every detail of the other's surface, but not seeing what was beyond it. Or, he could face his shadow, seeing more than its silhouette, and finally realize who he really was. But one thing was for sure, he can only see one of them and he can never let both find each other. He blocks the path between his shadow and the sun.

He could not make a choice. Instead, he waited for the sun to set and he went to find for a place to hide. Everyday he longs for this place. This was the place where he can see neither shadow nor light.

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