Sunday, April 08, 2007

wanting to be more

In the book I was reading, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, there was a scene where this young boy was shouting at her mother. He was shouting because his mother was saying that his dead dad's spirit/memory was in the coffin. But, the boy refused to believe this and told his mother that his dad has already disintegrated and has turned into dead cells... cells that can be inhaled and exhaled by people without even knowing it.

Then, I thought about it. What if he was telling the truth? What if we just become dead cells and there was no spirit at all? After thinking about it, I realized that I wanted the fact that there was a spirit and that there was something more than my body. I refuse to believe that I am just a combination of different types of cells that combined to form my body. I do not like the fact that my whole person is finite. I want to believe that there is an afterlife and that I am more than my body. I want to believe that after I die, I would still be able to exist even if it is only partial. Nothingness is not an option... because if it is... what's the point of living this life.

It's not about the fact that I may or may not believe in God. Rather, it's all about the fact that I WANT to believe that there's a God. I want to believe that I am more.

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