I have not been doing well despite the few ups that have happened in the past few days. The downs still outnumber the ups. Somehow I feel like the happiness inside is just pretend. The crying has not stopped and there are still bouts of depression going on. I am still drinking beer alone everyday and i have started to smoke again.
As much as I want company right now, I don't think I have the time to get out of my room to mingle. The parent just came from the hospital and I couldn't even discuss it with the parent. That sucks. I'm much of a coward to deal with feelings... even if it's a parent. Have I become a robot? Have I become too detached from the realities that I try no to deal with it. I need my people.