the (insert name) day project

I was just reading the caterpillar card my friends gave me. It's funny how I can't turn it over because of my ugly picture which they put as the caterpillar head. Haha. You have gotta love them for doing that. The messages each put were very unique from each other (which made it even more meaningful). Anyway, the basis beyond Jay Day is that we (Mel and I) wanted a day wherein people would make us happy for a whole day (and not get one year older). But of course, it's kinda impossible to make someone happy for 24 hours so we put it down a notch by making the person happy sometime during the day.

Anyway, we're already done with Ann, Paul, Shar, and Me. So that leaves Mel, Carla, Jordan, and Obe. I guess I have plan one of those people's day. And it's supposed to happen within this year. So we've gotta work it (in its literal sense... baah... it doesn't even make sense). Hahaha.

And after this year, a new year comes our way. Wohoo! Another special day for me.

struggles... that's just the way it is.

I've pretty been vocal about my stand in terms of my beliefs. I'm not the biggest fan of Catholicism that's why I get into some arguments with my parents. They're the type of parents who never miss a Sunday, have an hour of prayer morning and night, and serve in mass. So in other words, they love Catholicism very much.

With this situation comes that struggle within me. My personal beliefs are very different from beliefs that I have to pretend to believe in the house. Gaaah. I'm like one of those Asians who migrated to America when they were young. They do not know whether they're American or Asian. It results in an identity crisis. It's like I'm not sure I belong anywhere. And for the past few months, I haven't really thought about my faith. Dude, I thought about it like .5 out of 100 times in the past few months. So there definitely was a problem.

Yesterday, I went to this worship thingee for a group of Christian youths. And when I got into the hall, I felt like I'm not supposed to be there because I was an outsider. I couldn't really do the things they were doing because (well I didn't know what they were singing) it was my first time to attend such an event.

Then I was really trying to lay low. I mean, I wanted to not stand out being Catholic and all that. But lo and behold, they asked who the firt timers were and guess who they found as their first 'victim?' It wasn't me. Naaah... just kidding. It was me. Hahaha. Wala lang, I felt so shy for the first time and they even had to point the video cam towards me (so my face was being shown on these big-ass projection screens). Gaaah.

So what's my point? Don't go to such events. Kidding again. Haha. I just want to say that I learned something (that I learned before but seemed to forget). And I'll always try to remember that. It's all about the faith and the relationship. I know that it would never be smooth sailing but I just have to try. And I'm gonna freakin' try hard.

on ranting and things I can't wait to do

I hate it when people rant about their life. I mean, ranting would not really make your situation better. In fact, you'd just get frustrated and depressed. All I can say is that if you're stuck in a rut, face it. Just deal with it because there's no other way out.

I'm going to this soulstop thingee later with 3 friends. I have no idea what people there do. But hey, it's always nice to have new experiences. Well, the new experiences plus the fact that I get to go out and watch a movie with them after a long time. Booya!

I miss my rep group. Even if I'm the oldest (and they call me kuya to tease me), I still think they're cool to hang out with. I hope we can go out on Nov. 4! I can't wait! Party time. These freshmen are wilder than my junior friends. Heck, I love these guys. They rock. Hehehe.

stuff that I have in my mind

Everytime i watch grey's anatomy, I can't help but feel emo. Dang. It's like I can see my destiny as some doctor stuck in a hospital for hours trying to learn the most that I can from one shift. And there's the part where I wouldn't get to hang out with my friends that much anymore. For me, that's the suckiest part of it all. I would only get to see them siguro twice a month and more than that if I'm lucky. Boo, that sucks.

So there. I'm guessing I'd have like my friends cut down to just three groups. bio peeps, bench peeps, and my group in rep. Booya! Wait, I forgot my group who I'd probably meet in med school (crap... getting to know na naman). I love being a pre-med student... well... uh... not really. Booya!

On another note, I’ve just had one of those reflecting days that I usually have from time to time. It started out with a statement that a friend of mine said. It went some thing like ‘Give me one friend of blah blah who doesn’t backstab blah blah.’ And I was stumped by that statement. It was so true that I had to reflect on it. What I realized is that I do get to diss this ‘friend’ of mine from time to time. And what’s bad about this is that everyone is doing what I’m doing (which means everyone disses my friend).

Now, I can say that I never diss on my friends (with blah blah as the exception). If that’s the case, then is blah blah really my friend? I really don’t know. I want to consider blah blah as a friend but it doesn't mean that it is the case. I'll just go with whatever.

By the way, the new albums of John Legend, JoJo, and P. Diddy are very good. They’re my favorite albums of the moment.

signature word and productions

I've been thinking of a signature word for me. And I've decided that it's Booya. I've always loved using that word. So there. It isn't the most original expression in this freaking world. But hey, at least I have one. Haha. Booya!

I can't wait for the upcoming productions. I have two productions to audition for. Well they are the same play but I will audition for both since the playdates are on different dates. The first one will be around february or march. While the other one would be August next year. Considering that there would be no productions for me during the first sem next year, it's good that I'll also audition for STAGES.

I'm excited. Aaaaaahhhhh! I'd get to hang out with my friends again and rehearsing with them is the best. Booya!

grades schmades

I just saw my grade in Embryology Lecture and I got a C. So there. I'm freaking one point away from a C+. Blah. The average of the class is C so I guess I did... well... uhmm... average. Isn't that dandy and fine?! Not really.

Anyway, I have to say that I'm getting mediocre grades for the first sem. And believe me, with the effort I gave, I should be thankful I even got those grades. It's what you call a balance between theatre and the chillax mode. So I don't think I'd be getting anything good from that acadmically speaking. I don't blame those two because I chose them. I chose to do theatre (and continue it with such gusto) and do the chillax mode for a sem just so I can gain my strength and give it all for the next few sems left in my college life.

I needed that rest (considering that I'll be studying until I'm 30 because of medicine). That's all I can say. I'm not sourgraping. I'm content.

semestral break!

Woohoo... come on! Sem break is here. Let's do it! Party na. I'm excited.

Tomorrow's a start. I'll be going out with my gang in the cast. We're having lunch then watch our first movie together. Woohoo! I'm excited. This was supposed to be for Sab's despidida... but she won't be able to come na yata. She's inggit daw. Haha. Next time na lang Sabbie!

After that, it's off to Tagaytay with my drinking buddies. Saturday to Monday. Ahlavet. I think there'd be 9 of us. It's another fun two nights of being sabog and all that. I can't wait.

Then, I'm off to a movie with Chengster to try out that new mall. Haha. We'll see if anyone else wants to join us. That'd be fun. We're planning to do a movie marathon in someone's house pa. Yey!

Then, I shall have my second hosting job. It's for the experience. But I'm kinda nervous 'coz there's gonna be a lot of Ateneo peeps. Haha.

Oh yeah, I was just emailed by stages. They're gonna text me about the auditions. So two prodcutions coming up. Ahlavet.

My family hasn't planned where to go yet for the sembreak. I don't wanna go anywhere far. Haha. Coz I'm sure I would be missing a lot of inuman sessions. Haha.

That's it. This sembreak looks promising as of now. Ahlavet.

a semester in review

The semester has FINALLY ended. Did I get the grades I wanted? No. Did I get the grades I deserve? Yes. Did I have fun? Yes... considering that I didn't exert any effort and got to accomplish things not related to academics. And, I got to have totally new experiences.

So what happened during the sem? Hmmm...
1. I was able to have a close relationship with my Biology peers. We went out almost every weekend. I love them (Queens on Fire and Group Pic). They rock.
2. I spent a lot of time out with my two drinking buddies. And I always seem to be the entertainment of these two. Haha.
3. I got to join a play which is a wonderful experience. I met new people and better yet, I have another set of friends (The Gang). They rock too.
4. I got to hang out with different people sa bench. The bench peeps are wonderful. All the eating and sometimes, the stupid conversations. Or just chilling... relaxing. Makes you not want to study anymore. Haha.
5. I patched things up with an ex-enemy. Booya.
6. I hated my course more. Why am I here? Oh yeah, I'll be a doctor someday. Pfft.
7. I hated philo... then loved it... then I'm now neutral about it (depending on the final grade).
8. I just spent the whole sem in my chillax mode... no studying... great.
9. Started my private journal that I write on occasionally. Just pure realizations, experiences and observations.
10. I drank my heart out. As Merc's book says, 'there is too much blood in my alcohol system.' Booya.
11. New friends like Merc and Tina. :p
12. Lost contact with my faith. Pfft.

Central theme: Change within my inner self and expanding my horizons.

Was it all good? Well, I wouldn't really exchange my experiences for anything since this is what made me, me. But, could it have been better? Yes, I don't deny that. But it is my journey so I have to face it. 'Til next sem.

as Daniel Powter says...

I had my worst day yesterday. That day just sucked. It seemed as if I was one of those people that have been picked to be super unlucky just for fun.

Here's what happened:
1. I woke up and opened my computer to get pictures from my multiply. Then I find out that the phone is down. So much for DSL.
2. I went to school to just use the CTC computers so that I can transfer my pictures to my camera. Uh... I couldn't transfer it for some reson I don't know.
3. The person who borrowed my oh-so-precious grammy jacket texted me to tell me she lost it. She said she was going to pay for it. She did... after waiting for her for 3 hours.
4. I was playing with my cam and the cover falls off and I couldn't find it na.
5. I got a C+ in my orals because I didn't practice.
6. I went to People are People to find the same jacket... out of stock.
7. I went to F&H to find a jacket like that... no size.
8. I went to check my ATM account... it got depeleted to a measly 500 pesos. Glitch daw. It's back na.
9. I got home to find out na no internet pa rin.
10. I was throwing my handkerchief towards my bed... and for some reason, my thumb gets into the electric fan (uh... my thumb has this minor cut... haay)
11. At 10, I finally got to study theo... and I fell asleep.

I just slept and woke up hoping for a better day.

random thoughts

It's weird. There's this feeling of emptiness inside of me. It's this emptiness that wants to long for something it doesn't know. Haaay... I guess I haven't had that many conversations recently. It's weird that I feed so much on conversation. I can't even stop speaking in class. I guess this mouth of mine just needs to talk a lot.

On another note, I am planning another lunch or dinner out with my friends in the cast. I hope the whole gang can come now. Hehe.

Oh yeah, the next production would be High School Musical. Shucks, I can't wait. I saw the song list and it was amazing. I'm not wishing on becoming lead because of my workload in 2nd sem. But if it comes, why not?! Haha.

the nineties

Man evolves. But to add to that, the things that makes man entertained evolves. I could remember listening to any pop song that gets into the daily Top 20 of MTV Asia Hitlist or (I know you know this) Vid-OK countdown on SKy Cable channel 19. It was then replaced by MYX (without VJ's). Then after that, we have the entertainment we have now.

I have been downloading the different pop songs that I used to enjoy when I was a kid. Yes, I do not use the radio anymore. No more recording of FM stations. And, I get the lyrics from the net not by the 'pause and play' method. Haha. Anyway, what's funny about all these 90's songs is that I still know their lyrics. That just shows how I was so into the 90's pop era. From the Backstreet Boys to Aqua (I dare not name the other bands that would make me look really baduy... as if I'm already not by saying Aqua).

I liked the nineties and how it was all about having fun in music. We were happy go lucky people who just cared about the catchiness of the tunes. But now, we have engrossed ourselves in depressing songs (heartbreaks, longing for someone, etc.) that make us feel bad about our own situations. I don't know, I guess the music we have goes with the mood of the whole country.

Wow, from music to country... only in this blog.

On a lazy Friday night

A month has passed and a lot has happened. First, I just want to say that 'Hope for the Flowers' has just ended. It means there are no more rehearsals for me. On one hand, I finally get to have time for myself and the people around me. However, I started missing some of my castmates. That is the reason I have been planning these lunch outs with some of my close friends in the cast. We had two lunches so far and that's good. :D

Next, I finally settled things with my ex-enemy and we're okay now. I think we communicate better compared to my other friend, if i say so myself. This leads me to think that I know so many people but they're just that. There's nothing going on with them.

I realized that I keep on complaining about how I have so many shallow relationships. Then I realized, it's because I never really did anything about these friendships or what have you. I just let them rot there and hope they can float on their own.

Anyway, the main point of this entry is how I get to hang out with my group in the cast. The thing is, I'm the only third year student there because everyone is first year. Oh well, at least everyone thinks I'm young. Fine, it's either that or I'm just the same height as some freshmen. Haha.

after rehersal events

Today, I got home at 7. Yes, 7 in the morning. Why? Because we went out after rehearsals. The after rehearsals dinner and drinking was fun because I finally got to bond with my castmates outside of rehearsals. You realize that these people do the same things that you do (which makes it more fun) and it's funny you only meet them later in life. And you know that moment when you tell yourself that you wanna hang out more with these people because you guys seem to click. Well, I think it happened again to me. The most fun part is when, after all the drinking and dancing, we just stayed at one of our friends' house and chilled there. We were just playing board games/singing to different songs and waiting for the sun to shine. Haha. It was really cool that we were just at the third floor of the house with nobody in the house except us. I'm sure there would be more nights like that. It really had a fun time.

But for this entry, I just want to point out the realization of constantly finding new friends and how nothing is permanent. Fine, you get to keep some of them but you never get to keep all of them. But would it still be the same if it is not complete? Maybe it is. I want to believe it is. I do not want to write such realizations because I don't want the idea of impermanence to be permanent.

conversations

Recently, I haven't had any decent conversations with people. I do have little bits of chit-chat with people but that is it. Nothing deeper than the trivial stuff you usually hear from people on a normal 'let's talk for fun' day. It's as if each day of my life is wasted in a routinary life where I have to talk to people in a getting-to-know-you stage. I do not know if you would get me but that is what I am feeling right now. It's like I'm this person who has so many things to say but I do not have anyone to say it too. I blame circumstance for that. The people I usually talk to about these things have been super busy or have moved out of the country (which means less conversation time).

I guess it is the cycle of relationships. You meet people and have pseudo-deep relationships with them until it is time to move on again. Then you have to meet new people again. It is tiring and tedious.

I need conversation so I wouldn't have to talk inside my mind.

First musical play

In one month, I'm going to debut in my first real play ever. Fine, I did class plays and the like but this play is different. No grades or teachers. Just pure performance for the sake of performing. I would have not imagined myself being part of any play because I was never really into performing in front of people. And calling me a thespian would be comparable to calling roger federer a sucky tennis player.

Anyway, I'm excited about the play and I'm glad I did it. I love the play, I love the people I'm working with (very important), and I love what I'm doing. For the first time in my college life, I'm doing something. I didn't quit! Booya! Hope to see you guys there. This play is really nice. :)

I'll tell you the details next time. :)

reflections on a friday night

Come to think of it, my philo classmates might think that I am an anti-God for trying to question His existence. But of course, I want to believe that I am doing it to strengthen my faith in him. Unfortunately, a lot of people have a hard time giving satisfying answers resulting in me having less faith than what little I used to have.

I do not have a strong faith when it comes to religion. Fine, I might be able to defend my own beliefs but that does not mean that I have a strong faith. There is this constant "growth" in my own beliefs that one time I believe in God and the next time, I wouldn't. Right now, I'm seriously the latter. I'll give you a better picture of what is happening.

A few months ago, I would pray in the chapel for a few minutes (even for just 5 minutes), talk with people about my faith, read the bible from time to time, and go to church every Sunday. But right now, I never go to the chapel, talk about my faith, read the bible (unless I am the prayer leader for theo), go to mass regularly. To add to that, I have been cursing a lot of times and drinking on a constant basis (although I can rationalize that).

Anyway, I just had to write it down because for the first time in months, I am relaxing on a friday night. Do I want to change? I do not know. I seriously do not know if it is worth it. I feel so heavy right now just thinking about this. Is it guilt? or maybe I just need to get used to it. Whatever it is, I have to find a conclusion soon.

oil and water

Just as much as oil doesn't mix with water, i don't mix with jazz dancing. I had dance rehearsals a while ago and it was really weird for me. The feeling of having to do ballet-like moves were so awkward. Boo.

Anyway, I have this feeling that I would get a sucky role because I wouldn't be able to go to tuesday and thursday rehearsals because of my philo class. Oh well, as of now, everything is a learning experience. Obviously that would the case for me since I have no experience in theatre at all. Wahaha. I'll just give my best in each task. Remember, everything is a test. Yuck... that sounded like some local reality show.

rainy days make me feel fine

Sometimes, it's not always about being happy. There are times when you just have to sit down on the couch and be sad. I don't know. When I am happy, I start to forget everything. I am caught in the moment and that moment is the only thing I am thinking about. But when I am sad, I become sentimental. I remember a lot of things and I start to think about everything sentimental I can think of (from memories to relationships with people). I love being sentimental. It makes me want to write.

stepping it up

Some people really take it hard when they fail. I am one of these people. For almost all my life, I have succeeded in almost everything I went to. By that, I mean everything that I was actually passionate about. But when college came, everything changed. I have failed in a lot of long tests to the point that I have become numb about it. Then as for the varsity teams, I haven’t been as successful as I was used to. Was I losing my competitive edge? Was I becoming… uhhh… normal?

Fortunately, I have been succeeding in the musical aspect of my life. I never took that aspect of my life seriously because I was not confident about it. I was so embrassed to sing in front of people. But after two auditions (ACGC and Bluerep), I think I’ve got it. I quit the ACGC because I was not into the music they were singing. Then a year after, I got into Bluerep. I feel that my voice is more stable and it’s time. I’ll show everyone that I am not a quitter.

Auditions are on Wednesday. I feel like I want to throw up every time I think about it. Waaaah… it’s make or break time. I need to step it up.

chill

I cannot wait for the sembreak to come. No more lessons to study and I'm just going to go out and have fun every night. Well, there are possibly a few outings and I can't wait for it. Sembreak, where are you when I need you.

Anyway, today was supposed to be one of the hellish days of my third year life. Well, it was. I had a tough time in my embryo LT and the next classes were not doing well either. If I fail my embryo LT then it means I have to study, if not then I would continue what I am doing. Oh well, I am bound to hit some road bumps sooner or later in this journey of mine. But of course, my 'Chill Lang' philosophy is here to stay. Booya!

On another note, I saw some high school friends a while ago and I realized how I actually miss them. One of them sat sa bench and we got to talk a while. It seems they're going to join the IAC. I hope they win. Anyway, I miss my high school friends. We rarely go out. Shucks.