on new friends

Is it even appropriate to still try to remedy something that you know will not really be the same? Personally, I think not. It is just like trying to glue a broken popsicle stick but when you try to use it, you realize it will just break easily. So, you decide to just get another popsicle stick that is sturdier. Yes, you might say that this analogy for friendship just sucks but I do have a point.

There's a point in time where you have to move on. It's like there's this line that connects two relationship periods and there are some people from the past period that will overlap into the next period. These people will still be your friends in addition to the new ones. I guess there's always a moving on factor anywhere. It's hard to explain. And now, I'm part of something that I know I have been a part of eversince.

The bottomline is I still love my first period friends, for lack of a better term (you know who you are) and my biology friends. I hope we're still together until Med school (wherever that will be). :)

eco field trip

Okay, so I just got back from my field trip with the other Biology majors and it really was fun. Actually, the whole thing started with the Friday night movie with Issa, Annie, Ann, and Jordan. Unfortunately, Karen could not come so there was one extra ticket. Anyway, we headed for Ann's house after that and waited for about 2 hours there and I even tried ironing my hair because I was just bangag. Then we headed for Annie's condo and I think I was able to sleep for about thirty minutes so that's just great.

We headed to school and we found out that the vans would be arriving late. Okay we were supposed to leave at 4am but ended up leaving at 6am. I rode with Gel since it was already full in the vans and we just sang our hearts out with boy band songs. This made us realize that we were actually pop by heart but still r&b/hiphop lovers all the way. Okay, before anything else I just wanna say that Manong Jun is the fastest driver I have ever known. Anyway, we got to the site after about 3-44 hours and we started looking for our cottage which was supposed to fit 20 people. We had so many food in our cottage because everyone brought food. It was like we can survive for a week in the beach.

Then, Gel made some drinks for us and we started drinking even if it was just 12pm. We had to do the transects and other required exercises before doing anything else (what's the use of the trip if we didn't do the exercises right?!). So after that, Gel and I decided to have a race and drink everything in the cooler. Ann joined us too. Woohoo. Okay, we kinda did a music video of ByeByeBye and it was just funny really. After finishing the drinks, we just continued on with the party and danced the afternoon until night away. We also had a bonfire which was fun. We won. Woohoo!

Then that night, Karen, Issa, Berto, and I decided to walk to the end of the beach (by that I mean away from the shore). It was low tide anyway so the water was not that deep. We saw so many creatures and it was scary because there were so many sea urchins. Karen was funny because he was afraid of a lot of things. So we then decided that we better get some aqua shoes to protect our feet. We went back to teh shore and we went back to the middle of the sea. We got as far as the breakwater. And we just found so many creatures.

We got back again and the four of us decided that we were not going to sleep. We were on folding beds that we layed down on the shore. So we were just there talking and trying to make ourselves awake. The deal was that if everyone sees a falling star then everyone can sleep na. I did see one and my wish came true (I passed my eco LT). Anyway since I haven't slept for almost two days I decided to sleep at around four. I woke up at 5:30 because my folding bed got destroyed. So umm... great.

We went to the mangroves after. I just want to say that it was full of garbage. Ahhh... I hated it. We went back and Iggy, Berto, Gel B., and I decided to go to the coral reef which our teacher said was about 250 metres away. We only had goggles on so it was harder. But we didn't care. We still went on. It was just amazing. I wish I could have taken pictures of it. If only I had a waterprrof camera. Next time.

We went home and we still sang boyband song in Gel's car. Okay... we are just pop people. So there, it was fun and I seriously had a blast. Actually, I like my bio batchmates. They're fun. I hope there's a batch party soon.

battle of the gods

A battle between gods
Spoils the coliseum's mighty walls
Fire and ice rain upon the people
Intent on witnessing the high and mighty
Fall on their knees
And fight to their own deaths

They are the heroes in this battle
where both will come out champions
to everyone's dismay

A battle between gods
Is no battle at all
Just a mere game they play

stop bugging me

Mosquitoes
Bug you constantly
And suck the life out of you
Such is the life of a parasite

Keep away

Feel the poison of avoidance
Or the direct hit of rejection

seven

Feeling at home with people takes time. It does not just come with one snap of a finger. Usually, it starts out with people who you would not imagine being together because of the clashing personalities of different individuals. It starts with two people, which turns into three then four which then goes to five and follows through to six and ends at seven. This, I think, is what happened.

Each individual had different friends at the start but as time passed, they met each other. There were times when some of them did not like the other individuals for petty reasons. There were also times when these people never imagined they would hang out with the other people in the group. The funny thing about all this is that it all worked out in the end. Indeed, there will be times when petty problems will be encountered, but these things will not last. This is the perfect group. It’s a combination of individuals coming from different backgrounds. But fate has pulled the strings to make these people meet at one point. And then somehow, they spend time together (during lunch) and realize they have a connection and that is all it took. It's a myriad of personalities and talents (from music, sports, fashion, academics and entertainment). These are the people whom I know will always be my friends.

I think I have found it. Erase that. I have found it. Just perfect.

snapshot

With one touch of a button
A bright light flashes
which transfers your soul
into a plastic container
trapping your very self



I shall press the button
to help me remember

CLICK!

in the eyes of a child

Must blindness strike me, I shall be thankful
For in the dark sanctuary that I shall be living in
Forever will the echoes of your silence be heard
And that is enough for your presence to be known

In time of eternal noise
There is only one thing I can do
I will look for you in hopes of finding that silence
which I will know will be my guide

Must blindness strike me, I shall be thankful
For with it, I will never lose sight

merry-go-round

I have ridden the merry-go-round a lot of times
where horses roam the same pastures for eternity
where music flows with the soft, calm air around
where each round gives that momentary bliss

Oh how I love the merry-go-round
for I have loved it since I was a kid
and it said i was tall enough to ride
and that was enough reason for me to love it

But as all things are, it shall come to an end
where horses roam the same pastures for you to be surfeited
where music pierces the soft calm air you enjoy
where each round gives that sickening feeling

Oh how I abhor the merry-go-round
for I have loved it only when I was a kid
and it said i was too tall to ride
and that was enough reason for me to abhor it

the missing

I’ve thought about it and realized something. Is it a given that when we do not see someone for a long time, we instantly miss that person? What I have realized is that it never really was a given. Usually, when we see someone for the first time after a long period of time, we blurt out the words, “I missed you,” just because it’s what most people say. It’s like saying good morning to someone who you see in the morning. But the thing is, even if the morning was as bad as a big fat F on your report card, you would still greet that person because it is what we are used to. Just like that, we say “I missed you” for the sake of it. Then we wait for that person to say the same and then we wait. We wait for some topic to pop into our minds to make our (“I missed you”) words seem credible.

At the end of the day, we do not miss everyone who we have not seen for a long time. We only miss those who make us feel empty once we do not see them. Those are the people that we long for to keep us company. They are those that give us a sense of nostalgia when we look at the pictures that show the times we had with them. They are those whom we know that makes our lives different when they are not there. And they are those who we need to constantly talk to just so we can lessen that feeling of longing. Some people I miss and some I do not. For those I do not, maybe they were just people who were there and never really made me any different. Without those people, my life would still be the same. And for those I miss, they are the ones who made a difference in my life. I know that without them, the life I am living would change radically.

through the telescope

Correct me if I am wrong
For once again we are
Sitting beside the our windows
Looking at the same old star
Through the telescope
Hoping that it would bring
The feeling back
Hoping that I see your ethereal face
While you look for my eyes
Because they say it shows my soul

Correct me if I am wrong
But hoping is what we are good at.
We hope until we die because
Deep down we know it is
That which will keep us alive

So that is it
I hope for the star to live forever
For with it, we are connected
And we endlessly sit beside our window
Hoping through the telescope

astrologer's delight

An unfortunate event it was not
With the thunderous beats of
A melodic harmony
It was said that this was nonsensical
Yet the stars were proven
Right once more

A fortunate event was foretold
With only those beats heard
In their own world of silence
At last, it is not at all senseless
The stars have lined up
Waiting for this to happen

No one thought it possible
Only the shining crystals
In the dark midnight sky knew
And they spoke of it as destiny

to that kid on the street corner

To that kid on the street corner
I tell you now that there’s no use
To crying and dwelling on
What is now the past
It will eat you up and everything
That was meant to make you a better
Person will make you much worse
So I tell you now,
You kid on that street corner
Stand up and play that tune
Start over

To that kid on the street corner
Thank you for the inspiration
Start over

child's play

Let’s stop this masquerade
A game of hide and seek
Where you are the champion
And I am the one defeated

Tell me,
Is this the game
You want to play forever
Because I’ve lost interest

This is the end
This is a game for kids
We have grown up
I give up

a dialogue for everyday

*due to some technical problems, stanzas 2-10 should not be alternate. the stanzas should be beside each other... by that I mean it should have two sides with equal length. okay.

Silence
I open my eyes
Then I stop
I think

My world:
It is that of detachment
Where shadows are in constant motion
While I am at a standstill

My world:
It is that of desire
Where that I want is at a standstill
While I am in constant motion

Yet, the dark outlines never stroke
Even the tip of my hand,
Which seeks to caress the figure
From which these shadows came

Yet, I cannot touch
Even the tip of the hand
That which I seek to caress
The hand that forms shadows

The choice is not mine to make
For the fire from this passion
Can pierce the beauty of the figure
Which wander around my isolation

I choose, Yes
For I might be engulfed in the fire
Of this burning passion
And it is with delight that I accept

I pursue this figure with all
Its worldly imperfections
Still, I know of its impossibility
For it is the curse that I must endure

I crave the burning figure with all
Its celestial perfections
I know of its possibility
For its curse I will endure

My world:
It is that which I do not desire
Where I am at a standstill
While shadows are in constant motion

My world:
It is that which is not detached
Where I am in constant motion
And I seek for the one at a standstill

It thinks that

I think that

It is an impossibility

It is a possibility

I think

Then I stop
I close my eyes
Silence

-Jay

betrayal

If indeed what I am doing is betrayal,
Then I am ashamed of myself.
But if it is not,
Then why does this feeling of guilt bother me?
Not telling would be betrayal
But telling would lead to the same fate
Which good is greater?
I do not know
And yet, I have already acted
Thinking that it was upon my better judgement
Oh... what's the use?
At the end, I know I have betrayed a greater friend
I pray he does not know
I pray he does not know

the kiss of death

I have just experienced the kiss of death and boy, was it bad. It started out as good clean fun (well, it was always the case) until someone was dared to kiss any of the guys in the circle. There were five choices and I ended up being the unfortunate one. Crap. Good thing, the others were kissed as well. The exception of course was the guy who considered me Muslim for he covered himself well. Hehe. The guys has decided to put this in our repressed memory bank. But I doubt that I will ever forget such a horrifying experience.

Still, the whole party was fun and that is something I do not want to put into my repressed memory bank. I got home at three and fell down on my bed. First time, I slept in jeans, actually.

I woke up today and never forgot any of the things that happened yesternight and day. That means I never got drunk... only tipsy. I am still dizzy and I plan to sleep all day. Why did I have to drink alcohol straight from the bottle? I deserve this somehow... or not.

Anyway, Happy Birthday to one of my bestfriends, dressing made of eggs! :D

cover

I hide my face behind a mask afraid to see the expression
Painted on the face underneath

Knowing that behind it is no smile at all
Rather, one of melancholy

It is melancholy in what life has brought me
And I meet it with despondency

Oh… what is the use of such a state
If only to bring deeper sorrow to mine

Detachment is the only solution

So I do it
And it overwhelms me

Behind it is no sadness
Rather, one of purpose

And that is enough for me.

gift

Today, I gave her something that I
was proud to give her.
It was something that I would have never done
to any friend unless she was that special.
Well, she was.
Now, it is up to her what that meant.
I will leave my feelings in ambiguity
because that gives me the most happiness.
And if ever she sees through the gesture,
I hope her reply would be the
reply I have always been waiting for.

left-brained and all that

It is weird that people see me as someone who does not seem to do anything. Well, believe it or not I have a lot of thing to do. Apart from the usual subjects that I have, I study a bit of calculus for my friends, I am looking for sponsors for the Regcom, and I am part of a Filipino play that I have (unfortunately) committed to during the first few weeks of the semester.

I was talking to lemon girl once while we were eating at our usual eating place (that being Wendy's... because of their bacon mushroom melt). She was telling me that she was amazed that I was able to hide the other things that I was doing. It seems as if I just go on with life and deal with it when it comes. She gave me an example where in I had a long test. I was just hanging out with her and not even studying. I do not know why but it works for me.

Anyway, it has already been the third time someone has told me that I am too left-brained. Apart from skitz and lemon girl, I now have my cousin telling me that I am too organized. I am too clean and she does not like it. Well, I just cannot work when thing are out of place. I tried that last year by not having a planner and look where it got me. Hello double D's. At the end of the day, I am happy that I am left-brained. I might not be as creative as other Oboys in terms of writing (i was the one who always wrote by structure), but at least I have my own style and that's what important.

Wait... I just realized something. I hate writing peoms because they are too unstructured to even write. There are no rules for them. One thing I believe in is that you have to know the rules to break them. So how can I break the rules of poetry if they do not have rules in the first place. Haaay...

unstressed and the 10 people

I just realized that I lack stress (not that I want to experience it) but I just find it surprising that I am not feeling it in my body. Last sem, I said this too at the start of the sem, so it came and then BAM. Good luck to Jay and to his D's. But now, I'm saying this 2 weeks from the exam week because I already know what I am doing for those two weeks. Well, I've finished most of them so there's nothing more for me to do. Well, I have some extra work that I'm doing for my friends but it's not that heavy. I wonder why a lot of my friends seem so stressed. Maybe it's because they take their classes too seriously. I, on the other hand, take my classes because I love studying them. I don't find them as stressful. I find them as joy. That, I guess, is the difference. Woohoo.

Haay... I love life. I realized that I can die right now and I would not regret having lived my life in the way I lived it. I am content with my family, friends, and everything that comes with it. The only thing that hinders me from wanting to die is the fact that I have this weird mission of making a BIG DIFFERENCE in the lives of ten people. And when I say big difference, I mean the difference that would help them even in the future. I have my first candidate and that candidate has been a challenge. Great for me huh?!